I wish my penis had an off switch
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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