i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
