I faked an abortion last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
