it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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