New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
