You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
