There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
