I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
