Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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