I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
