Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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