guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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