It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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