i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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