They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
