Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
