I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
