i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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