just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
