Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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