I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
