Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
