News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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