my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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