It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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