i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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