i don't like sucking hair
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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