The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
