On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
