The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
