I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
