She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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