Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
only if we run a train.
done.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
