My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
