So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
