thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
