based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
