"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
