mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
