Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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