just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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