omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
