You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
