Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
