i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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