Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
