I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
