After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
