I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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