we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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