i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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