Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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