I hope mine doesn't look like that
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have aggressive nipples.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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