I can tuck mytits in my pants
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
